Minding the P’s and Q’s of SNL

QUALITY: Bobby Moynihan says “Kurt” and kills with it. Which makes the injury news all the more painful. DAMN YOU ROB FORD! What is this, FANTASY FOOTBALL?!

PROBLEMATIC: You have a line of cast members as children, and you DON'T have John Milhiser involved? I suppose him standing next to them would make them look more adult...

QUALITY: Holy shit, they were firebombing this show with big moments out of the gate as noted FRIEND OF PAUL RUDD, Kristen Wiig (what? I don’t know) came back in the COLD OPEN with one of my favorite reoccurring characters of hers, Denise with the five-head and baby hands to cause all sorts of havoc for the Sound of Music Live (and also condensed).

PROBLEMATIC: No one drafted Kristen Wiig as a host though because… well, I don’t know. So no points, but laughs. Lots of laughs! As Wiig does her best to make her latter-day equivlent to break due to fondling.

PROBLEMATIC: I know “Girl Most Likely” wasn’t what you thought it would be, but damn it Wiig, you don’t have to do whistle farts for cheap laughs! The night has only just begun!

PROBLEMATIC: Seriously though, right around pushing Kate McKinnon aside I was tired of Wiig’s SNL return. OH! Hey! There’s Fred Armisen! Looking more his age then he did all of one season ago! I guess he's living his life in Portland and WHY NOT!

PROBLEMATIC: Speaking of which, I don’t know if giving Wiig and Armisen the crux of the cold open is of any help to the current cast.

QUALITY: EXCITED for Rudd, I’m a fan of his everyman and his infinite charm. “Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Rudd…” and the being over-shadowed by a Musical Guest is a good gag to go with.

PROBLEMATIC: Conversely I have no care for One Direction. Though they are interesting counter-programing to Paul Rudd, being a potential cross over on the sex appeal ven diagram from around 18 to 24 years of age.

PROBLEMATIC: Speaking of problematic, how is it that a five-piece vocal group is so terrible at harmonies? Hey Liam, Dave Koechner is kicking your ASS on “Afternoon Delight”!

QUALITY: Seriously though, MULTIPLE CAMEO APPEARANCE POINTS! Go Channel 4 News Team GO!

QUALITY: hah, Man Band. Never not funny.

QUALITY: Fun fact, not just Will Ferrell but also Dave Koechner and Steve Carrell have history with SNL. Koechner was part of the large cast over haul of 95-96, though he was only around for one season in the big transition from the crew that included Farley, Sandler, and Rock, to the crew then included Shannon, Oteri, and yes Will Ferrell. Steve Carrell was a consistent part of SNL during the 90’s and early 00’s as one half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo with Stephen Colbert! I shit you not!

PROBLEMATIC: In the same vein of you having to play all the black women, before you gave that up, maybe it’s time you give skinny Al Sharpton to Jay Pharoah, Kennan. It’ll give you time to play more game show hosts that yell at people. More on that later.

QUALITY: I may be revealing my man crush on Paul Rudd, but have we talked about the talent this man has? He’s like the grown-up fully careered version of Josh Hutcherson last week (except with the chin of a human man), acting and reacting, listening and adding in those little details even with weaker characters like the blogger in the Politics Nation sketch.

QUALITY: Dan Charles, you are truly unsettling as One Direction’s #1 Fan… bravo. “Don’t talk to me like that, I’m an ADULT.”

QUALITY: Props to the excellent casting of One Direction fan girls and/or on point filming on location. That little girl took those stink eyes like a champ. And the FACE PALM!

QUALITY: With the Divorce Settlement sketch, I enjoyed the initial strange yet effective conceit that inflammatory remarks during the proceedings all had basis in some fact if not being a little bit off. Then the dance breaks happened… and there lawyers being all together unimpressed verging on horrified really made it work. So two big Q’s for Nasim and Kenan of all people. Especially since it was an effective, if not strong end to a sketch that seemed prime for a rough exit all of two jokes deep.

PROBLEMATIC: Having heard my first couple of One Direction songs tonight, can I make a few rash judgments? GREAT! So this Louis Tomlinson fellow with his flat delivery and clavicle tattoo? He’s the Rob Schnieder to Harry Styles’ Adam Sandler, to use an SNL reference, no? To take an even nerdier step, what’s the over/under on how long until Niall Horan becomes the Starscream of this outfit? 1.5 years? This is what I think of during “Story of My Life” to stay interested.

QUALITY: JACOB! Aha, I almost slept through the first three jokes of Update so it was great to see Bayer putting her weaponized Chiclets to the best of uses!

QUALITY: “Which is how long my brother Ethan was grounded for calling his teacher a facist!”

QUALITY: How do I approach this without sounding creepy? So Cecily, the lady who just squeezed it a bunch, hey? … NOPE, that’s not the approach!

QUALITY: JEBIDIAH ATKINSON! BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! Some Christmas special reviews? Deal!

QUALITY: Jebidiah on Christmas Carol: “Hey Dickens, four ghosts to tell one story? I guess Tiny Tim isn’t the only one who needed a crutch!”

PROBLEMATIC: My GOD, how often does Cecily Strong have to look said after Meyers half-hearted (IF COMPLETED) fist pumps? I know you’re half out the door on your way to Late Night, Seth, but don’t forget about Cecily over there!

PROBLEMATIC: Me knowing where the joke is going at the top of the sketch, means you have to dig deeper then the base dick-size joke on the Unveiling of David, SNL!

PROBLEMATIC: “Are we going to get in trouble for this?” You, or the show, Jay? Either way White Christmas feels like the swing miss of the night so far, save for maybe the cold open (the Unveiling of David was a bunt really, so it won’t be missed).

QUALITY: Milhiser I expect to see you as, AT LEAST, fifteen Christmas elves these next three shows!

QUALITY: Good call on Paul Rudd as a skinny Santa Claus looking eerily similar to Ted Danson.

PROBLEMATIC: I’m not saying Killam should have had Kennan’s lines in that Skinny Santa sketch, but that elf voice was on point!

PROBLEMATIC: Skinny Santa was a bit too mean and angry for my taste, especially ending with violent revolt, with McKinnon being undersold having to play the dumb blonde for her first bit of notable screen time since the cold open.

QUALITY: “Remember, I done you so hard that you dropped your phone in the toilet?”

QUALITY: See, that’s more like it! Victor from the Airport Papa Johns is the kind of goofy weirdness I was looking for, with an odd sweetness to it.

QUALITY: HOLY SHIT, the post-Second Song segment is the return of BILL BRASKY?! That’s how you get people to tune back in when the night is nearing 1am! Those teenage girls in the audience they don’t even KNOW!

QUALITY: “… TO BILL BRASKY!”

QUALITY: Paul Rudd hugged God Damn Louis Tomlinson first on the good nights, and any and all hugs after that were lost in the loving chaos and camera work, so here are a few things I loved during the good nights. Terran Killam is continuing his two show streak of ending the night in costume! Dave Koechner picked up Brooks Wheelan with a hug and Brooks is NOT a small man. Keenan was SO MUCH HAPPIER tonight then usual! And I like to see him happy, even if I like to call him out in the Ps and Qs.

PROBLEMATIC: For all those who suspected a complete shake-up of the best host power rankings this month, somehow Josh Hutcherson is still hanging onto #1. WHA?! I know!

REPARATORY CAST

• 15 points - cold open
• 10 points - sketch alongside former cast member & host (Kristen Wiig)
• 5 points - singing/dancing
• 5 points - sketch alongside former cast member (Fred Armesin)
• 10 points - Weekend Update
• 5 points - reoccurring (Jebidiah Atkinson)
• 5 points - sketch (Unveiling David)
• 5 points - sketch (Skinny Santa)
• 5 points - sketch (Victor from the Airport Papa Johns)
• 2 points - sketch post-second song (BILL BRASKY)
• 10 points - sketch alongside former cast member & host (Will Ferrell)
• 5 points - sketch alongside former cast member (Dave Koechner)
• 2 points - in costume during the goodnight

Cecily Strong, 77 points

Bobby Moynihan, 50 points

Kenan Thompson, 49 points

Nasim Pedrad, 45 points

Kate McKinnon, 40 points

Vanessa Bayer, 40 points

Jay Pharoah, 20 points

Aidy Bryant, 15 points

FEATURED CAST

Noel Wells, 40 points

Beck Bennett, 30 points

Mike O'Brien, 15 points

Kyle Mooney, 15 points

Brooks Wheelan, 10 points

John Milhiser, 5 points

HOST

Paul Rudd, 72 points

EBERSOL GROUP

THE IGNORANT SLUTS - Matt

Kate McKinnon - 40

Cecily Strong - 77

Beck Bennett - 30

John Mihiser - 5

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Story of My Life & 2) Midnight Memories

2 points - Will Ferrell cameo

5 points - First Song

2 points - Will Ferrell cameo

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 161

DAN AYKROYD RAGE - Mark

Vanessa Bayer - 40

Bobby Moynihan - 50

Kyle Mooney - 15

Noel Wells - 40

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Best Song Ever & 2) Story of My Life

2 points - Steve Carrell cameo

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 147

FIVE TIMERS CLUB - Leah

Kenan Thompson - 49

Nasim Pedrad - 45

Mike O'Brien - 15

Beck Bennet - 30

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Midnight Memories & 2) Story of My Life

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 139

RECLUSIVE PENINSULA - Rob

Taran Killam - 84

Aidy Bryant - 15

Mike O' Brien - 15

Kyle Mooney - 15

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Story of My Life & 2) Diana

5 points - First Song

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 134

EXTREME CLOSE-UP! - Jack

Jay Pharoah - 20

Brooks Wheelan - 10

Noel Wells - 40

John Mihiser - 5

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Don't Forget Where You Belong & 2) Midnight Memories

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 75

DOUMANIAN GROUP

BILL BRASKY - Saad

Taran Killam - 84

Aidy Bryant - 15

Mike O'Brien - 15

John Mihiser - 5

Paul Rudd - 72

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: No songs chosen.

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 191

THE TEAM YOU WISH YOU HADN'T STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH AT A PARTY - Brian

Kate McKinnon - 40

Cecily Strong - 77

Mike O' Brien - 15

Noel Wells - 40

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Best Song Ever & 2) Story of My Life

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 172

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE TEAM THE HIGH-WASITED MIDGETS THAT HAVE, LIKE, THE RED PANTS AND THE BIG ASS - Kevin

Nasim Pedrad - 45

Vanessa Bayer - 20

Beck Bennett - 30

John Mihiser - 5

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: No songs chosen.

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 120

MILLION DOLLAR BILL MURRAYS - Russel

Bobby Moynihan - 50

Jay Pharoah - 20

Kyle Mooney - 15

Beck Bennett - 30

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Best Song Ever & 2) Story of My Life

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 115

SUCK IT TREBEK - Sarah

Kenan Thompson - 49

Brooks Wheelan - 10

Noel Wells - 40

Kyle Mooney - 15

MUSICAL GUEST - One Direction - SONGS: 1) Best Song Ever & 2) Story of My Life

EPISODE EIGHT TOTAL 114

DEEP THOUGHTS with the Saturday Night Live Fantasy League

“GIVE ME POINTS” – THE IGNORANT SLUTS’ Matt

“(Referring to One Direction vs. the Channel 4 News Team) All it could've used was an Arrested Development-like reference to the awkwardness of grown men and an underage (?) boy band singing about loving each other.” – RECLUSIVE PENINSULA’s Rob

“(Referring to Kennan yelling his lines) He went to the louder = funny school of comedy. That school later burned down.” -- THE IGNORANT SLUTS’ Matt

“(My) girlfriend's sister screwed me over on HAIM song picks, this is her chance at redemption.” – RECLUSIVE PENINSULA’s Rob

“God I love Jacob.” – DAMN AKROYD’s Mark

“(to Rob) I should get bonus points for calling out how often you demand bonus points.” – THE IGNORANT SLUTS’ Matt

“Steve Carrell has gotten like 3x better looking with age and I feel weird about it.” -- RECLUSIVE PENINSULA’s Rob’s Girlfriend

“So judging by how few people in the audience got the "he's the model for Michelangelo's David, down to the last detail" joke before they showed the statue, the crowd is full of especially young One Direction fans tonight.”

“Or they all have small penises.”

“Can't it be both?”

“You’re opening a moral grey area.” – RECLUSIVE PENINSULA’s Rob & THE IGNORANT SLUTS’s Matt

“Boy bands are supposed to DANCE.” -- THE IGNORANT SLUTS’s Matt

“Have they ever done Bill Brasky without Will Ferrell?” – DAMN AKROYD’s Mark (and the answer, as Rob found out, is no)

“Dammit! I told O'Brien to get in there first for the post-show hug.” -- THE TEAM YOU WISH…’s Brian

PHIL HARTMAN TROPHY OVERALL STANDINGS (after Episode 39x08)